We all have an ADDICTION...wats urs?

I’m sick and tired of being in the same situation
Looking down the hall waiting for the door to open
It’s been closed so long that the door now looks so small
And I’ve grown with confidence; I don’t think I could fit in that door at all
Then there came you
And you humbled me back down.
Made me realize that while my back so stubbornly turned away from that door
That deep down inside I wanted to turn around
And there what I really wanted would be found
Now the door is still far away
But for the first time I am actually looking forward to going thru it
I want it so bad-I feel like running to see what I get
But then I’ll be Russian so ill just sit back and see
If this door will open and inside what will it be
I have been thru a door or two in my past
But as soon as I walk into it, I turn and run away sprinting fast
Doors and I never work out
Why?
I will never know
I put my all into a door-but to them it never shows
Or they let it go
Or they pretend not to know.
But with this door in front of me I see no exit sign
If I walk thru this door-I want to leave the past in the behind
And focus on us building a new memory where inside we can reside
The new room will be a blank page and our time together will be the paint
Lets laugh and grow old and, in turn the room we shall decorate
Yeah-as I look back around and notice I’m in the same room
Thinking thoughts that I have thought before-but they never came
Thoughts that made me believe the door would be wide open
Only to find it was not open to me
Had me banging on the door
Only to be humiliated and still living in the room that has always looked the same
The walls of good memories are now covered with dirt
Because nobody cared enough to brush them off and ask what they meant
Because they didn’t care about me enough to know what those memories meant
The floor had hard wood floor- had the potential to be the best
But over the years and the walks and the tears-it now has carpet and everybody knows that’s 2nd best
I have only one more window that looks up at the stars
And I wish that one day I’ll be free
Because all my other windows of wishes were broken and I can’t see me ever being happy
There is no light in my room-its dark for my misery
And I been living thru the shadows this long just fine
Hiding my insecurities and hiding the old thoughts that I left behind
Where is the one, who will open the door?
Why is he hiding?
I want to find him and ask him questions galore.
I am so tired of being in this room
The room of memories dead in the past
Staring at me-mocking me with the thoughts that good things for me never last
I clean up the room real good
Whenever company is around-I put on a great show
Sweeping tears in the corners
Hiding negative thoughts in the closets
And pain under the rug
Everyone says the room looks gorgeous
And then they question why I have no door open
I will never know the answer
But for some reason I am getting tired of this room looking the same
I need some rectification
I really want to run to it and hang on the doorknob-put my feet on the door and yank it open
But then I’ll be Russian and I don’t want the door slammed in my direction
But I just want a peek
A peek into what life could be
A peek at the good things I could have
Anything is better than sitting in this chair staring at the door and imagining what I lack
I guess I’m just getting antsy-and I want to know what are you waiting for?
The perfect time is anytime we communicate-so that’s not the answer I’m looking for…
But until then, I’ll sit in this crappy room and stare at the door
Knowing deep down inside, I may smile-but I’m always yearning for more!

http://www.myspace.com/dcarduh

WHILE LISTENING TO HIS TRACKS, A POEM CAME OVER ME...CHECK IT OUT...

I’m in love with you. Not YOU. (The one on stage holding the mic.) I love the one oozing thru. Coming from within you. Gets you so wrapped up in emotion that it makes you do what it do. Which is like rape to me. Came in me without notice. Sucked me dry. Opened my pores. Filled my body with love melodies. Sang to me thru the beat. Rocking me to sway with you. Touching myself as I think of what else to do. I’m going crazy listening to you baby, but don’t STOP that song. I want to overdose on your love unstrung. Press repeat and play it again. Oozing thru the speakers. The melody. The passion. The meaning of the reason. Of the…DAMN. I’m so fucked up I don’t know what is next. Drunk off your love. I need to re-text. Cause my first text ain’t come out right. I need to hear you again and then I can fight this battle of being in love with you. Not you but the things that got you doing what you do.